Heart of a Warrior

"The die's been cast.

I've stepped out of the comfort zone.
The decision's been made.
I won't let up, look back, slow down, or back away.
My past is forgotten.
My present is focused.
My future's secure.
I'm finished with low-living, side-walking, cheap excuses, and dwarfed goals.
I no longer need preeminence, position, promotion, promises, or popularity.
I don't have to be first.
I don't have to be right.
I don't have to be recognized.
I don't have to be praised, regarded, or rewarded.
I've died to the self-centered, ego-driven, lip lifestyle.
I live by faith, learn by submitting, labor by love, lead by example, lift by prayer.
My dream is developed, my decision definite, my desire determined, my discipline dedicated, my devotion distinct.
My face is set.
My pace is fast.
My road is narrow.
My way is tough.
My companions are strong.
My counselor is reliable.
My purpose is pure and my mission is clear.
I cannot be bought, compromised, detoured, lured away, turned back, diluted, delayed, or denied.
I will not flinch in the face of sacrifice, hesitate in the presence of the adversary, negotiate at the table of the enemy, ponder in the pool of popularity, or meander in the maze of mediocrity.
I won't give up, shut up, let up until I've stayed up, stored up, prayed up, payed up, and stood up for the cause of freedom!
I must fight when other faint, go when others won't, give 'til I drop, teach until all know, and work until the task is finished.
And when I lie, exhausted on the playing field of dreamers, they won't have any problem recognizing me as one of their own."

To a friend

Dear Tom,

Your funeral is just a few short hours away, and I'm not sure I'm prepared to say goodbye. I'm so torn with conflicting waves of thoughts and emotions.

In one moment I'm so glad that you are free of your earthly body that was bound for the last few years with disease all while your mind was just as clear and as sharp as ever; a prisoner to self. You are now free to run again, and dance, and laugh and free to worship and proclaim the name of the Lord. You are free to see sights that can nary be imagined by the temporal mind. You have reached your new dwelling place with Jesus. In this I find much comfort, but...

In other moments I am overcome with grief as this world, in these still seconds, seems a bit more empty, a bit more quiet, a bit more surreal. All though it has long since passed that you and I shared any good conversation or since I have learned some of those foundational pieces of my Christian walk from your leadership, the memories of you are still crystal clear. I often think of those many Saturday mornings that you would take our portion of ACC's chair team out to breakfast at Town and Country. Or the laughs late into the night that we had during Niagara conferences. Or the strong and yet quite sense of manhood and camaraderie you provided in my adolescence...

Yet in other moments still I am moved to this quiet anger. A carnal anger that screams, "NO! Not you! Why you?!" You are just simply to young to no longer be with us here, to be with your family here. You were snatched from this life too early, and though I, in my reasonable mind, know that you are in a far better place, my selfish heart cannot find solace.

My heart rejoices, and yet it breaks, Tom. I want to say thank you. I want to say thank you for all the things you ever taught me. I want to thank you for all the time you ever spent with me. I want to thank you for all the love you ever shared. Even though I know I will see you again one day, I miss you now. I say goodbye to you only for a while. I love you, Tom.

-Ryan